10th September 1997

Dear All,

Thank you for your letter dated the 3rd of September, it gave us many hours of fun, and also came in quite handy when we ran out of toilet paper.

First let me thank you for the use of the hall over the past year, it has been helpful and best of all free. But being a religious person I feel I must confess to a few things.

1. The baptising pool in the church. Some times the toilets were locked and we had no choice.... sorry
2. You may have noticed a strange odour around the place, check behind the bin in the kitchen, and see point one for the reason.
3. You may also have noticed that your tooth brush hasn�t had the same fresh feeling recently.... Well the enclosed photo of the said toothbrush up our bassist�s arse should explain that one.

But seriously, you didn�t expect us to be fine about all this? Whatever happened to community spirit? What does it say in the bible...... well I don�t know what it says in the bible, but I bet it says something like �honour thy neighbours band�. Also, as if we wouldn�t notice the blatant piss take in your letter, signed Miss Homer, right, as if that�s a real name.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I would like to let you know that all of us in the band are living in the hope that one day a shower of skunk shit is going to come your way and that your tampax all turn into hedgehogs.

Yours very sincerely,



Alcohol

Tony Hearn, Cory Bettison, Wayne Rains and Glyn Bettison